So today I learned there’s broadly 4 types of sea sickness. An education experience brought about by a force 6 southwesterly in the Irish Sea. The Captain said it “looks a bit breezy”.
Let me lay these out for you.
Type 1 ‘Silent but Volatile’: Lets call this one the ‘Evie’. There’s no warning associated with Type 1. It’s dormant and apparently stoic on the outside, masking the inner turmoil. Then from nowhere a violent eruption, mostly of milk and banana and some kind of unique caking agent that guarantees adhesion to your jeans. When its over there’s no fuss, just a change of clothes and then silence returns, the body preparing for the next outburst, which comes roughly 15 minutes after the first.
Type 2 ‘Blub’n’Barf’: This I call the ‘Delta’. This is not such a violent episode but is proceeded by much whining and half-cries of “I don’t feel well”. Fresh air appears to be of no benefit, nor does sitting next your baby sister who’s just launched her breakfast onto the floor and down Daddy’s leg.
Type 3 ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’: Today this is Brooke. Seemingly at first to be enjoying the movement and having fun lurching backward, forward, this-way and that…replaced swiftly by a greying face, dilated pupils and the complete evacuation of the stomach. What didn’t hit the floor, produced 3 bags full.
Type 4 ‘ The Walrus’: My chance to shine! Having seen, heard, helped and also worn the various eruptions from the kids, it was time to show them what being sick really is. Finding it all a bit much, my sickness comes in a kind of ‘cough, growl, vom’ combo. Unashamed by this point (most of the sensible people around us have vacated their seats anyhow) I can really let loose.
Only two of us managed the crossing without joining in. Katryna, with her Islander heritage, who would think nothing of sailing to Norway in a Coracle (but admittedly did have a wobble at one point today) and Branston, who being a Labrador would rather lose a leg than his breakfast.
It’s not like we were the only ones who suffered, at least half the passengers were lighter leaving the ship than when they got on-board. The crew must have iron stomachs, and did a fine job taking care of everyone.
So a word of advice…if it looks ‘a bit breezy’ just stay put and catch the next ferry.